Depression in Ministry-When Darkness seems my closest Friend-Part 1
In many Christian circles, there are two common myths about depression. The first, though not often openly stated, is widely assumed: that depression is a Western problem — a luxury of Western life. The idea is that because life in the West is materially and financially easier, people there have the “space” to experience depression, whereas in other parts of the world people face more tangible hardships.
This is emphatically and statistically not true. Depression is not a Western disease; it is a human disease — a human reality. Throughout history it has existed under different names, with different explanations, treatments, and worldviews. The meaning and significance of mental illness vary from culture to culture, and even within our societies today there are different interpretations, not only in the church but also in the wider world. We need to understand what it truly means if we are to respond to it wisely.
A Universal Struggle
Depression is not confined to any one part of the world. The Bible itself, from beginning to end, contains many examples of people battling mental illness in various forms, manifesting in different ways. Even the Lord Jesus himself experienced profound psychological distress. This issue is not geographical; it is universal, even if it is expressed and described differently.
There is also a common assumption that if you are a Christian believer, you should not experience depression — or that if you do, there must be something wrong with your faith. This belief is closely related to the idea that suffering, poverty, or hardship reflect a lack of faith. If we truly trust God, if we believe that “by his stripes we are healed,” and that through Christ we are victorious, then surely our lives should be blessed, and smooth.
The danger of this thinking is that when someone is suffering deeply, the solution offered is often: come closer to Jesus and that problem will be sorted out. When this is said to someone in the darkest depths of depression, it is not only unhelpful — it can be deeply harmful. It can push the person further into despair rather than lifting him or her up.
The Complex Reality of Depression
Every experience of mental illness is different. There are no simple rules. It is shaped by individual context, character and temperament, personal health and experience, and countless other factors. One common feature of depression is the rise of self-hatred and despair. When someone is told, “you just don’t have enough faith, just trust Jesus,” the internal response may be: “Yes, that’s right. I am worthless. I am terrible. I do not have enough faith. God hates me. God is punishing me. I am lost so I might as well throw myself off the bridge.” Off course this is extreme.
At its most extreme, this thinking leads to suicidal ideation — one of the most terrifying experiences imaginable. The person begins to believe that the most loving thing they can do for family is to remove themselves from existence. The church, historically, has often struggled to respond well to this reality.
Many people carry invisible fractures — wounds even they themselves do not fully understand. Depression may arise from a complex combination of factors, including heredity, trauma, environment, health, and life experience.
To be in deep depression is often like being trapped in a cave. People on the surface know you are there and are trying to reach you. You can hear their voices, but they are muffled. You cannot make out the words. They are trying to get in; you are trying to get out — and neither knows how. The isolation deepens.
Remarkably, something very similar is expressed in Scripture.
Psalm 88: When Darkness seems closest Friend.
Honesty in the Psalms
The Psalmists are amazingly honest. The Psalms themselves are one of the most extraordinary and important gifts of God to his people. Across these 150 prayers, we hear voices crying out to God in praise, lament, fear, doubt, and even pastoral care for others. They are people speaking to God — and through those prayers, God communicates himself to us.
Because of their nature, the Psalms serve as models for responding to God. It is as though God has given us a liturgy: not the only way to speak to him, but a permitted and often liberating way.
The Uniqueness of Psalm 88
Among the Psalms, Psalm 88 stands out as the most surprising — and one of the greatest gifts in history.
Typically, a psalm begins with praise for past rescue, followed by a cry for help in present trouble. Often there is a turn back to praise, a plea for God to act again, and finally a resolution of hope. But Psalm 88 is genuinely unique. It is the only psalm that does not resolve. There is no happy ending. Here, the psalmist attributes his afflictions to God. He suffers not only at night but also during the day. Sometimes one wonders if these issues are harder to deal with if you believe in God. For if God is good, powerful, and a God of justice, why does suffering — mental, physical, or social — persist?
A Thunderclap in Scripture
Then comes verse 18, a thunderclap in Scripture:
“You have taken from me friend and neighbour — darkness is my closest friend.”
What an extraordinary statement to find in the Bible. Through the Psalms, God speaks to us, and we in turn can speak to him using the very words of the psalmists. The ancients poured out their hearts to God, and today God continues to speak through their prayers, inviting us to use their words as our own. In this way, the Psalms become a living dialogue — timeless prayers that give us permission and freedom to bring our deepest thoughts and emotions before God. In Psalm 88, there is no resolution, no conclusion, no caveat that God rescues the psalmists. The psalm ends starkly: “darkness is my closest friend.” This feels almost blasphemous, for surely the One who sticks closer than a brother — our dearest friend, Lord, Maker, Rescuer, sheltering mother hen, and strong arm — is our truest companion, not darkness. And yet, here it is, preserved in Scripture.
Why Would God Give Us This?
Why would God give us such a psalm? It is because he understands. Jesus himself knows, from personal experience, what it is to be human in a fallen world — when things are confusing, when trust feels impossible, when even faith itself seems to make no sense. God is saying: You are not the first to feel this way, and you will not be the last.
The Lord would rather we express our doubts, fears, faithlessness, and even anger directly to him than speak behind his back.
The Temptation of Gossiping About God
In dark times, when we struggle with God, the temptation is to “gossip” about him to others — to say, God’s terrors have afflicted me. But this can damage not only fellow believers but also those who are seeking, who may conclude: Here is a Christian speaking nonsense.
This does not mean we should remain silent. We should talk about these struggles — but in ways that do not intentionally undermine others’ trust in God.
Faith in the Midst of Unbelief
The very act of saying to God, “darkness is my closest friend,” is itself an act of faith. It is liberating, because there have been many days when depression — for different reasons — has left me feeling utterly isolated: cut off from everyone, even from those who love me most, and seemingly from God himself. In those moments I have turned to friends and said, “I cannot believe right now. Please believe for me. Hold on to me and don’t let me go. Help me work through this until I reach the place where darkness is not the last word.”
This is how the sons of Korah genuinely felt in Psalm 88. But was it the ultimate reality? In Christ, we can emphatically say no — Christ is our closest friend, even when it does not feel that way. What feels real is emptiness, desert, abandonment. Yet feelings are not the final truth. In God’s mercy, he understands that distinction.
That is why, in Gethsemane, Jesus experienced such terror that his capillaries burst and he sweat blood (hematidrosis)— a real medical phenomenon under extreme stress. We can imagine the crushing weight of that moment. And yet, we have a Lord and a brother who knows what it is like to suffer in this way.
Because of him, we can say: “Darkness is not my closest friend.” Instead, we can pray: “Lord, you know what this feels like. Please help me through it. Lord, I do believe-help my unbelief.”
